This is not an joke about economics - but I love it.
How to Treat the Freshmen, 1495
 |
They get smaller every year.
Codex Manesse (c. 1304) |
"Statute Forbidding Any One to Annoy or Unduly Injure the Freshmen. Each and every one attached to this university is forbidden to offend with insult, torment, harass, drench with water or urine, throw on or defile with dust or any filth, mock by whistling, cry at them with a terrifying voice, or dare to molest in any way whatsoever physically or severely, any, who are called freshmen, in the market, streets, courts, colleges and living houses, or any place whatsoever, and particularly in the present college, when they have entered in order to matriculate or are leaving after matriculation."
Leipzig University Statute (1495)
A friendly reminder for the new academic year: please resist the temptation to terrify the freshmen, at least for the first few weeks.
For those not-so-honest
students:
"The Final Exam"
At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They
were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an
"A" so far for the semester. These four friends were so
confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the
University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time,
but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it
back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they
decided to find their professor and tell him that they had gone to the
University of Virginia for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to
study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a
spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the
final.
The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the
following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and
went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in
separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was something simple
about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time,
each one in his separate room, "this is going to be easy."
Each finished the problem and then turned the
page. On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?
_________________________________
* _______________________________
Some economist jokes (heard
any good ones I can add?):
Three econometricians went out hunting, and
came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter
to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the
right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We
got it! We got it!"
_________________________________
* _______________________________
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds
demand.
Unknown.
_________________________________
* _______________________________
Economics has gotten so rigorous we've all got
rigor mortis.
Presumably said by Kenneth Boulding.
________________________________ *
_______________________________
A
physicist, and engineer and a economist are all trapped on an island with a
box of canned food that they cannot get open. The physicist says, "I I
build a fire and then we heat up the cans eventually the cans will blow up
from expanding gasses and then we will be able to eat the food." The
engineer then suggests, " If I can make a three to one pulley system perhaps
we can rig up a machine to open up the cans." The economist then chimes in
saying, " You guys are making this far too hard let's just assume we have a
can opener." Thanks to Ian B. for this joke.
________________________________ *
_______________________________
A wealthy labor economist had an urge to have
grandchildren. He had two daughters and two sons and none of them had gratified
his desire for a grandchild. At the annual family gathering on Thanksgiving Day,
he chided them gently to bless his old age with their progeny. "But I
haven't given up hope," he said, "Yesterday I went to the bank and set
up a one hundred thousand dollar trust fund to be given to the first grandchild
that I have. Now we will all bow our heads while I say a prayer of thanks."
When he looked up, he and his wife were the only ones at the table.
_________________________________
* _______________________________
When Albert Einstein died, he met three New
Zealanders in the queue outside the Pearly Gates. To pass the time, he asked
what were their IQs. The first replied 190. "Wonderful," exclaimed
Einstein. "We can discuss the contribution made by Ernest Rutherford to
atomic physics and my theory of general relativity." The second
answered 150. "Good," said Einstein. "I look forward to
discussing the role of New Zealand's nuclear-free legislation in the quest for
world peace." The third New Zealander mumbled 50. Einstein paused,
and then asked, "So what is your forecast for the unemployment rate next
year?" (Adapted from Economist June 13th 1992, p. 71).
_________________________________
* _______________________________
A woman hears from her doctor that she has
only half a year to live. The doctor advises her to marry an economist and to
live in South Dakota. The woman asks: will this cure my illness? Answer of the
doctor: No, but the half year will seem pretty long. (My apologies to
those who live in South Dakota)
_________________________________
* _______________________________
Q: Why do economic forecasters exist?
A: In order to make weather forecasters
look good.
_________________________________
* _______________________________
Thanks to my student, Rio, for the following
three:
Q: How many economists does it
take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven plus or minus ten.
_________________________________
* _______________________________
Two economists meet on the street.
One inquires, "How's your wife?"
The other responds, "Relative to
what?"
_________________________________
* _______________________________
A man was sent to Hell for his
sins. As he was being processed, he passed a room where an economist he knew was
having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman.
"What a crummy deal!" the man
complained. "I have to burn for all eternity and that economist spends it with
that gorgeous woman."
An escorting demon jabs the man
with his pitchfork and shouts, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?
_________________________________
* _______________________________
21 Economic Models explained with Cows
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You give money to a congressman to force consumers to buy them for very high
prices.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six
cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly
owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back
to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with
nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because
you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary
cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and
market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a
month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A NORTH KOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your
country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
________________________________
